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  • The Historical

    Signs of Infidelity

     
  • Shortage of time- If someone is not with you, where are they? Having to steal moments away from communal time. "Working late", project that must be worked on nights (could be odd hours) or weekends or holidays, company has functions more often or other meetings that must be attended, going out with friends. 
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  • Time unaccounted for - A short (you would think) trip to the store for pops takes three hours. Or the person comes home late all the time, goes for a walk around the block (maybe walking the dog) for too long a time.
     
  • Emails and pictures from another person from the internet - Don't ignore this one. A married or committed relationship has no room for someone else and the person doing this is showing a huge lack of respect for his/her mate.
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  • Money spent and unaccounted for - "If you want to play, you have to pay".  Check credit card receipts, cash advances, and anything that looks at all suspicious about where the money was spent. Big red flag if mate doesn't want you to see the bills, hides the bills when they come in and only lets you know the amount (if you are the one paying) or has the bills sent to work or a post office box. Also might be suggestion to have separate checking accounts.
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  • Pages or text messages at odd times - With mate not wanting you to see the pages. Perhaps codes on the pages, like 911, or 11111, etc. 
     
  • Sex *might* change - After a very healthy physical relationship, lately there has been a large drop-off. Perhaps the mate sleeps in another room sometimes. Conversely, because the mate ALSO might be wanting to avoid suspicion, there might be an INCREASE in sex-but what also might occur is some new or unusual sexual positions, calling out someone else's name during sex.
     

When going through this difficult & turbulent emotional time, It is recommended that you seek
counseling, religious aide and family support. 

 

 




REASONS OF INFIDELITY FOR WOMEN

Causes for Women - Reasons for cheating Tips:

Unmet emotional need that the partner is not providing.
A desire for emotional closeness and intimacy
A desire for attention.
Bored with current relationship
To reaffirm her desirability
To re-experience feelings of romance
A desire to feel? Special?

 

      

  • Emotional, not necessarily physical sexual fulfillment.

    The desire for a more active sex life
    Pregnancy or the birth of a first child can impact a man who is accustomed to being the center of his wife’s attention. This can make husbands more vulnerable to affairs.

    Not finding his mate physically attractive.
    Unhappy or dysfunctional home life.

    Midlife crisis experiences such as physical aging, unmet career goals, or feeling unappreciated at home can make some people more vulnerable to an affair.

    A desire for variety in sex

    Temptation

    Was drunk at the time

    Was feeling horny, partner wasn't around

    To satisfy sexual curiosity about a specific female

    Just wanted to try something different

    A belief that it's perfectly right for a man to cheat

     

    Possessive of wallet, pocket calculator, briefcase - Because there could be receipts, phone numbers, photos, etc.  Excuse "I just don't want the kids in my briefcase". 

    Phone manners change - Mate rushes to answer the phone, there are more hang-ups, s/he is constantly checking caller id and deleting numbers, phone calls being made late at night, mate buys a cell phone and is possessive with looking at it, phone card, calls being made from pay phones. Check the phone bills, look for long distance calls, calls made to a certain number right after spouse leaves the house, during lunch or on the way home or other odd times.

    Come home with alcohol on breath - This speaks for itself, particularly if the person is LATE coming home from work.

    Car manners - Car is kept clean of wife and child paraphernalia, if you have two cars, insistence on always having it cleaned FIRST before you can ride in it. 

    Change in behavior towards you - Betrayer, usually because of guilt, can start being mean, short, curt, or otherwise abusive towards you. S/he has a stake in doing this and making YOU, the cuckold, the one at fault in order to justify the affair. S/he might also want to find YOU cheating or accuse you of doing so, in order to also ease the guilty conscience. Another thing that can happen is "tending" behavior, where the betrayer has to know where you are all the time so that s/he can work in the adultery around your schedule. "It is certainly easy for one marital partner to make the other wish to be somewhere else, or to be with someone else. But the unhappy partner could choose divorce, murder, an argument, therapy or whatever instead. The dissatisfaction in a marriage may or may not be a joint effort, but the decisions about how to deal with an intolerable situation are clearly individual. When adulterous couples come in to therapy, the one doing the betraying may be complaining that the one being betrayed has, in some way, cause the affair, but this may be the first time the problems have been emphasized. Even when the problems have been argued about for years and blamed for the affair, there may be considerable reluctance to solve them during the affair"- 

    Trips/Recreation - Mate encourages spouse to go alone to visit family and friends, spends more time with "old friends", starts new hobby, talks about movies or other fun things that were NOT seen with spouse, orders new and different dishes in restaurants, if you want to go, there is some reason why you shouldn't ("you wouldn't have a good time there anyway")

    Appearance - Mate often forgets to wear wedding ring, takes a new interest in clothing and appearance, smells freshly showered at 1:00 am, smells of different, unknown cologne or soap, starts keeping an overnight bag in car or office

    Conversation - Talks about subjects never interested in before, use new words and phrases

    Odd things found - A gift in the car, a greeting card with love or suggestive writings in it.

    You hear "I need some space" or "I love you but I'm not 'in love' with you"- "The instinctual nature of the human animal may be such that we bond, as other monogamous species do, to our sexual partner, our mate. Humans have the capacity to survive our mate-if he or she should die, we, unlike some monogamous birds, can recover and find another mate. However, if we mate with others while our partner is still around, we may break the bond that holds the pairing together. WE may, by having affairs, loosen the attachment and "fall out of love" with our partner. It is therefore not that we fall out of love and have affairs, but that we have affairs and fall out of love by breaking an instinctual bond"

    You ask -Are you cheating on me? - No. Of course I'm not. Are you crazy? That person that told you that is lying.

    You ask- Why are you late?- I had to stop and help a stranded motorist, got a flat tire, got waylaid by this other person at work, went shopping.

    You ask- Where were you? Couldn't get hold of you? - My pager wasn't working, was turned off, the battery was dead. My cell phone was turned off. 

    You ask - Who is this girl you are talking with/going to dinner or lunch with? - She is just a friend. She is a buddy. She has some real problems and has no one to talk to about them except me. 

    More Signs from Dear Abby:

    Plays more golf-that's good for five or six hours

    You find birth control pills in her medicine cabinet and you've had a vasectomy.

    Mutual friends start acting strangely toward you (They either know about the cheating or have been told stories about what a horrible wife or girlfriend you are).

    He or she stops confiding in you and seeking advice from you.

    Sets up a new email account and doesn't tell you about it.

    He or she leaves the house in the morning spelling like Irish Spring and returns in the evening smelling like Safeguard.

    He or she refuses to let you take him to the airport when he's leaving town.

    He or she carries condoms and you are on the pill.

    Begins to delete all incoming phone calls from Caller ID.

    Deletes all incoming emails & SMS Text messages when they used to accumulate.

    He becomes "accusatory" asking if YOU are being true to HIM usually out of guilt.

    Raises hypothetical questions such as "Do you think it's possible to love more than one person at a time?

    He or she buys himself new underwear.

    He insists that the child seat, toys, etc are kept out of his car.

    She stops wearing her wedding ring.

    He or she has sudden desire to be helpful with the laundry

    Has unexplained scratches or bruises on his or her neck or back.

    Suddenly wants to try new love techniques.

    Supposedly works a lot of overtime but it never shows up on the pay stub.

    Picks fights in order to stomp out of the house.

    You find out by accident that he or she took a vacation day or personal time off from work- but supposedly worked on those days.

    Shows a sudden interest in a different type of music.

    Spouse's coworkers are uncomfortable in your presence.

    Has a sudden preoccupation with his or her appearance.

    Spends an excessive amount of time on the computer, especially after you have gone to bed.

    Suddenly works long hours or weekends and never seems to be at his/her desk to answer the phone. Calls back later with a reason such as "I was working in the conference room where there was more space".

    Has lots of "emergency errands" -then comes home empty-handed, saying "They didn't have what I needed. (Side note from Dac here- have also read where women will keep something in the trunk or back seat of the car so that they can pull it out to pretend they were shopping).

    The telltale sign of a cheating spouse? Having to ask that question in the first place- LISTEN TO YOUR GUT!

 

 

 

John C. Frycek

John C. Frycek, LPD, PPS, CIS

Director of Operations

 

 

There are fine Cigars and cheap Cigars, but there are 
no fine cheap Cigars....
Winston Churchill

 

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