Emotional, not necessarily
physical sexual fulfillment.
The desire for a more active sex
Pregnancy or the birth of a first child can impact a
man who is accustomed to being the center of his
wife’s attention. This can make husbands more
vulnerable to affairs.
finding his mate physically attractive.
Unhappy or dysfunctional
crisis experiences such as physical aging, unmet
career goals, or feeling unappreciated at home can
make some people more vulnerable to an affair.
for variety in sex
Was drunk at the time
Was feeling horny, partner wasn't around
To satisfy sexual curiosity about a specific female
Just wanted to try something different
A belief that it's perfectly right for a man to
Possessive of wallet, pocket calculator,
briefcase - Because there
could be receipts, phone numbers, photos, etc. Excuse "I just don't
want the kids in my briefcase".
Phone manners change - Mate rushes to answer the phone,
there are more hang-ups, s/he is constantly checking caller id and deleting
numbers, phone calls being made late at night, mate buys a cell phone and is
possessive with looking at it, phone card, calls being made from pay phones.
Check the phone bills, look for long distance calls, calls made to a certain
number right after spouse leaves the house, during lunch or on the way home or
other odd times.
Come home with alcohol on breath - This speaks for
itself, particularly if the person is LATE coming home from work.
Car manners - Car is kept
clean of wife and child paraphernalia, if you have two cars, insistence on
always having it cleaned FIRST before you can ride in it.
Change in behavior towards you - Betrayer,
usually because of guilt, can start being mean, short, curt, or otherwise
abusive towards you. S/he has a stake in doing this and making YOU, the
cuckold, the one at fault in order to justify the affair. S/he might also want
to find YOU cheating or accuse you of doing so, in order to also ease the
guilty conscience. Another thing that can happen is "tending"
behavior, where the betrayer has to know where you are all the time so that
s/he can work in the adultery around your schedule. "It is certainly easy
for one marital partner to make the other wish to be somewhere else, or to be
with someone else. But the unhappy partner could choose divorce, murder, an
argument, therapy or whatever instead. The dissatisfaction in a marriage may
or may not be a joint effort, but the decisions about how to deal with an
intolerable situation are clearly individual. When adulterous couples come in
to therapy, the one doing the betraying may be complaining that the one being
betrayed has, in some way, cause the affair, but this may be the first time
the problems have been emphasized. Even when the problems have been argued
about for years and blamed for the affair, there may be considerable
reluctance to solve them during the affair"-
Trips/Recreation - Mate
encourages spouse to go alone to visit family and friends, spends more time
with "old friends", starts new hobby, talks about movies or other
fun things that were NOT seen with spouse, orders new and different dishes in
restaurants, if you want to go, there is some reason why you shouldn't
("you wouldn't have a good time there anyway")
Appearance - Mate often forgets to wear wedding ring,
takes a new interest in clothing and appearance, smells freshly showered at
1:00 am, smells of different, unknown cologne or soap, starts keeping an
overnight bag in car or office
Conversation - Talks about
subjects never interested in before, use new words and phrases
Odd things found - A gift in the car, a greeting card
with love or suggestive writings in it.
You hear "I need some space" or "I love you but I'm not
'in love' with you"- "The instinctual nature of the
human animal may be such that we bond, as other monogamous species do, to our
sexual partner, our mate. Humans have the capacity to survive our mate-if he
or she should die, we, unlike some monogamous birds, can recover and find
another mate. However, if we mate with others while our partner is still
around, we may break the bond that holds the pairing together. WE may, by
having affairs, loosen the attachment and "fall out of love" with
our partner. It is therefore not that we fall out of love and have affairs,
but that we have affairs and fall out of love by breaking an instinctual
You ask -Are you cheating on me? - No.
Of course I'm not. Are you crazy? That person that told you that is lying.
You ask- Why are you late?- I had
to stop and help a stranded motorist, got a flat tire, got waylaid by this
other person at work, went shopping.
You ask- Where were you? Couldn't get hold of you? -
My pager wasn't working, was turned off, the battery
was dead. My cell phone was turned off.
You ask - Who is this girl you are talking with/going to dinner or
lunch with? - She is just a
friend. She is a buddy. She has some real problems and has no one to talk to
about them except me.
More Signs from Dear Abby:
Plays more golf-that's good for five or six hours
You find birth control pills in her medicine cabinet and you've had a
Mutual friends start acting strangely toward you (They either know about
the cheating or have been told stories about what a horrible wife or
girlfriend you are).
He or she stops confiding in you and seeking advice from you.
Sets up a new email account and doesn't tell you about it.
He or she leaves the house in the morning spelling like Irish Spring and returns
in the evening smelling like Safeguard.
He or she refuses to let you take him to the airport when he's leaving town.
He or she carries condoms and you are on the pill.
Begins to delete all incoming phone calls from Caller ID.
Deletes all incoming emails
& SMS Text messages when they used to accumulate.
He becomes "accusatory" asking if YOU are being true to HIM
usually out of guilt.
Raises hypothetical questions such as "Do you think it's possible to
love more than one person at a time?
He or she buys himself new underwear.
He insists that the child seat, toys, etc are kept out of his car.
She stops wearing her wedding ring.
He or she has sudden desire to be helpful with the laundry
Has unexplained scratches or bruises on his or her neck or back.
Suddenly wants to try new love techniques.
Supposedly works a lot of overtime but it never shows up on the pay stub.
Picks fights in order to stomp out of the house.
You find out by accident that he or she took a vacation day or personal
time off from work- but supposedly worked on those days.
Shows a sudden interest in a different type of music.
Spouse's coworkers are uncomfortable in your presence.
Has a sudden preoccupation with his or her appearance.
Spends an excessive amount of time on the computer, especially after you
have gone to bed.
Suddenly works long hours or weekends and never seems to be at his/her
desk to answer the phone. Calls back later with a reason such as "I was
working in the conference room where there was more space".
Has lots of "emergency errands" -then comes home empty-handed,
saying "They didn't have what I needed. (Side note from Dac here- have
also read where women will keep something in the trunk or back seat of the car
so that they can pull it out to pretend they were shopping).
The telltale sign of a cheating spouse? Having to ask that question in
the first place- LISTEN TO YOUR GUT!